This is just great!

People tell me that I drive like a Grandma. I am not going to deny the fact that I pretty much take it safe when behind the wheel. I don't like it when people speed, and it freaks me out when I notice people acting stupid.

Being on the road is dangerous, and I have a car full of kids with me most of the time. I like to take the necessary precautions. What can I say, I drive defensive, in a Suburban, and obey the law. Call me a G-ma behind the wheel if you must. As a matter of fact, I have never even had a ticket, or even a warning for that matter.... until today.

I was speeding. Not on purpose. Not to "try to get somewhere quick!" Just plain carelessness. I thought that the speed limit was 35. It was 30. I was going faster than that though, I guess. I was passing someone to get in the lane so that I could turn, and BAM! There were lights behind me. I was shocked!

I pulled over my car and he asked me if I knew how fast I was going. I told him 35. He told me that I was in a 30mph zone. All I could think was GREAT. I could see the sign that said 35, but that was not going to cut it. It was too late. He took all of the paper work and came back to give me my fatty ticket. I have heard about people trying to talk their way out of tickets, but having no clue how to work that, clearly I was slapped with the mother load.

So my lesson in this? If I want to drive like a G-ma, I will! This proves my point. Obeying the law has benefits... like not giving the government even more money.

Closets

Today I am cleaning out the closets in my home. The funny thing about that is that I have recently also been cleaning out the closets of my life.

It is my desire to live my life as an open book. You can't really do that unless you have your closets cleaned out. I am sure that you know what I am talking about. Those places in your life, those thoughts that just got shoved into the corner of the closet in a mad rush to make things "look" clean.

We do this to our house every now and the. Someone is coming over unexpectedly. The house looks a little disheveled, and we shove things into a closet or a drawer. We think "Hey, I will just have to deal with that latter. I hope no one looks in there." We move on with our lives, sometimes we forget that we shoved this here and that there. We become annoyed when we can't find what we are looking for, but hey, we said we would deal with it latter. No time now though for those closets.

Eventually though, guess what? We do have to get to those closets and drawers. I don't know about you, but I hate it. It takes FOREVER! Half of the stuff you wish you would have just thrown away in the first place. Seriously, there is always garbage and junk mixed in with a few things that may be worth keeping. What a waste of time. If I would just deal with these things the first time I touch them, then I wouldn't be in this predicament.

I find the same to be alarmingly similar with the closets of my life. I "don't have time" to deal with something, so I shove it in a closet or drawer and decide to deal with it latter. There could be other reasons that I shove things in, perhaps because it is too painful to deal with, or perhaps, well who really knows. The bottom line is that it just happens.

When it comes time to finally clean out my life closets, the process looks kinda the same. I don't necessarily like it, although I know that it is for the best. When I sort through all of my "junk" I find that there is a lot that I just need to throw away. I wish that I would have just thrown it out in the first place. There are some things of value though mixed in, and that is why it is good to go through the junk and find all of those little gems.

My prayer is that the Lord will help me to deal with my junk the first time around. That way I don't have to try to "look" clean, I am clean. I pray that I will look in the back of my closets each day, and keep the dust bunnies from piling up, and the junk OUT!!!

I thank God that He is helping me clean out my life closets. It sure feels good to be able to have people look in the corners of my life and maybe still see some dust, but surely a lot less junk. As for the closets in my house, I know those are up to me. So I better get back to work!

A prayer for the lost and hurting

Jesus, you are more than enough. No matter who we are, you are more than enough. There is nothing we need in life or in death but You! You are our comforter. You walked this earth. You know all of our human emotions. You know loss, you know joy, you know pain, you know laughter.

Today, as I am reminded that my own circumstances are just trivial compared to many, I ask that your comfort will flow to those who need you most. The ones who do not know you at all. I pray that today Jesus, you will fill the holes in our hearts with Your love and compassion.

Amen

The hippopotamus Rule

The hippopotamus rule. You can only add or subtract like things; apples to apples, marbles to marbles, hats to hats, and hippopotamuses to hippopotamuses. Henceforth, the hippopotamus rule.

Wouldn't life be grand if say, we can all follow the hippopotamus rule? If we didn't compare Jane to Rachel? If we only compared Jane to Jane. Then we could truly value Jane for who she is. We could see when she is growing, and when she needs some extra love to help her out.

When we attempt to compare Jane to Rachel, or add Rachel's attributes to Jane, we loose sight of the true beauty of who Jane is. She is different from Rachel, she has qualities that make her uniquely her.

This week, let's all try to use the hippo rule in our daily life. Let's focus in on the beauty of each person and know that we can only add attributes of each person to themselves. Let's appreciate people for who they are, pray for their areas of specific need, and no compare them to something or someone that they are never created to be.

We are each a unique creation of Christ Jesus. Join me in this celebration. This week, let's all love the hippo!

Thoughts you don't want to know

So, I keep wanting to talk about where things are at with our journey of learning about diabetes. I find that it is almost easier to talk about it than to write. But then again, I can only talk about it so much before I hit the wall.

The thing about writing for me, is that I typically find it is a great way to get out all that I really want to say. The problem is, this time, it is almost impossible for me to actually say it. Writing gives me the opportunity to process the pain of the situation in solitude. I don't like how it feels. On the other hand, I also don't want to become numb to the pain. God did not design me to become numb from my pain, He designed me to be healed from it.

At some point, I am sure the dots are all going to connect together, but in the mean time, I am sure that it is clear that I am tip toeing around what is going on inside on me.

Let's talk some facts. Facts are not supposed to be emotion filled.

- Adolescent males between the ages of 10 - 14 are the highest percentage of the population to develop type 1 diabetes.

- The warning signs for diabetes are subtle. It can easily become out of control without you even knowing it.

- The majority of people have no idea what type 1 diabetes even is. They automatically think that it is type 2.

- Type 1 and type 2 diabetes is very different from one another.

- Type one diabetes does not develop because you are fat and sit around eating bon bons all day.

- There are no answers as to why you do actually develop type 1 diabetes. There is a huge amount of research, but no one knows what actually does cause it.

All of these "facts" as they may be are ridden with emotion for me. The reality of this situation is that we deal every day... 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I am not just another statistic, neither is my son. We are real people. This is a real disease. Guess what? When Charter goes to bed at night, diabetes does not. It is still there. We pray that we calculate right with his insulin to food ratio. That his blood sugar level does not go too high, or worse yet, too low.

We wake up at night, and often wake him too... just to check. Did he have too many carbs, not enough? Did we give him too much insulin? Not enough?

To watch him in the frustration of not getting enough blood, and bordering on tears as he has to prick himself again, and sometimes again. To watch your 10 year old son injecting himself with something that his body should do itself. Or for us to do the injections and know that we are stabbing our child, and this is not a one time deal. This is not even a one time a day deal. It is not uncommon for him to be stuck 10 times a day. 10 TIMES A DAY!!!!! Most people don't have that in a year.

Some people don't "get " what is going on. I want to give them a break, but come on, when do I get a break? When you come home from the hospital with your new baby, people come and visit, they bring you meals, they offer to help in any way they can. When Charter became sick, people disappeared, and then have the nerve to ask me why am I hurting them. Or how special, ask me why you have "disappeared?" Give me a break. Get over yourself. Get some compassion. Try for one minute to stop judging, and start loving and walk for one second in my shoes!

There are so many people that do not know the Lord, and Christians lash out at them not having any idea what they are doing. I am a Christian, and look at me! Not doing so great all the time. Imagine what it would be like if I didn't have God to help me thorough all of this.

I am half sorry that I am even going to publish this post because God has already been working on me with some of this, however, this is a small taste of what is going on in me right now. Ugly as it may be, my mind can not always have cute thoughts of rainbows and ponies.

I am very thankful to all of you who have actually been there for us and shown love and compassion. We sincerely appreciate it. For everyone else who can't get a clue, I have no time for you right now. I am grieving the loss of my sons childhood as it should be, and you are not helping.

My daughter

Cloey has always been a quiet and focused girl. She is sweet and kind. She walks to the beat of her own drum. She has such a good head on her shoulders, is able to use common sense, has dedication to make things happen. She loves the Lord, and isn't afraid to tell people about it.... that is what makes me smile the most. She has so many of the qualities that I admire at such a young age.

Cloey will turn 12 this year. She is growing up, and walking that line between a little girl and a young lady. I only have 6 years left. Six years to give her all that I can. Not in the physical, but in the emotional world before she will make the inevitable break to an independent. Her name itself means blossoming and hopeful. I am watching her do just that. She is blossoming into a beautiful person inside, as well as outside.

My daughter has good work ethic! Today she is getting a reward... a little fruit from her labor. She deserves a little treat once in a while. I am taking her on a little shopping trip. A pass time that she enjoys quite a lot. What she doesn't know though is that I am the one who gets the real reward... spending time with her. I value her so much.

Yes, I am 30!

Friday the thirteenth was my 30th birthday. Throughout my twenties, the impending fate has been looming over me. I knew that there was no escape, I would turn the big 3-0, no matter what.
I was curious about what I might do. Was I going to freak out? Was I going to cry? Was I going to feel so OLD?

I watched one of my girl friends turn 30 and it did not turn out so well for her. She had this mini emotional break down. Mentioning it to her was out of the question. There was some serious sad times going on with that girl. I actually thought it was quite funny. I couldn't imagine myself acting that way. Still though, what if 30 had some power over me that made me turn into a crazy crying loon. I best not tease, because what if the fate of my 30th looked similar to hers.

Well, now the day has come and gone. Here are some of my thoughts on the subject. I wasn't even sad about being 30, not even one little bit. I maybe even felt excited. I reflected on being twenty-something, I was thankful for parts, and there were other moments I would rather not relive. I was excited for a new season of my life to unfold. I realized that still, I have arrived nowhere, and that my life journey will continue with many lessons for me to learn. I prayed that God would continue to refine me... and that I would welcome the process.

In your twenties, there are a lot of different pressures. You are starting your life away from your parents, learning how to provide for yourself. There are many social pressures as typically people in their twenties are in different walks. Some in college, some with jobs, some married, some not, some with children, you catch my drift. With all of these different places people are at in their lives, it is difficult to fit the pieces of the social puzzle together.

Then, for women especially, there is the pressure to look a certain way. In your twenties, you are afraid of getting old, but still clinging to the youth of your teens. So many women suffer from poor body image, and are constantly picking themselves apart. It pains me to see women truly hurting because of discontent with their bodies. I am not excluding myself from this category, I have had my own struggles with this, and I assume they will still be there a bit, but I feel more confident in myself every day. Guess what the best part about being 30 is? I never need to look 20 again! I only wish that I could have felt that way without the number attached to it.

Thanks to everyone who has know me through my twenties. You survived my wild ride. Thank you to my husband. You are the most amazing man ever. You are the man of my dreams, and I love you more than ever. Thank you Lord for all you have given me, and all that you have not. I am becoming someone better everyday because of it. Cheers to being 30! I think this is going to be a great decade!

Today is Cloey's first day on point!

Kids: On the Treadmill

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Kids: On the Treadmill

My kids decided to play on the treadmill. I happen to be on the computer at the time and was able to capture "adventure." I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. They say the funniest things! When you read zzzzzzz, that is the sound of dragging body parts on the moving treadmill. Yep, this one is a doozy.

Charter: Don't put your fingers on that, use a punching bag.

Cole on the treadmill: You guys have to go away with this one. I am going to do this tread mill alone.

Charter: (ZZZZZZ). You are getting a hole in your shoe! Hurry up, get out of my way! If you just let go, it will be over. (ZZZZZZ.) Okay Cole, you are going to get a hole in your shorts!

Cloey: Yeah, it could even put a hole in your boxers. (laughing amongst themselves.)

Charter: Do you know how long this has taken you? FIVE MINUTES.

Cloey: Actually, it has been 10 minutes and 40 seconds. It's my turn…

Charter: LET GO COLE!!! (Cole lets go and flies off the treadmill... SWISH!!!)

Cloey: Finally.

Cloey on the treadmill: Look, I am going six miles an hour.

Charter on the treadmill: Watch me go to eight. This is how a man does it.

Cloey: You are gonna die Charter.

Charter: Cloey, watch me… be prepared to pull the safety cable. (He lets go and flies off the treadmill ...SWISH!!!)

Cloey on the treadmill: Let me go now.

Charter: Cloey, you are going to die. Prepare to pull it. (Cloey flies off the treadmill... SWISH!!!)

Cloey: AWWWW!!! That was fun!!

Charter: (most sarcastic voice ever) That is how a woooman does it?

Cloey: Don't push me! CHARTERRRRRR. Let me!

Charter: Hey, why did you pull the safety cable? Order in the court. Who will be next?

Cole on the treadmill: I am too scared to do it.

Charter: You did it once, you can do it again. Prepare to be launched.

Cole: WAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! (Cole flies off the treadmill... SWISH!!!) I beat my record!

Charter: Let's see if we can do two at a time.

Cloey: NOOOOOOOO!!!That is a bad idea!

Charter on the treadmill: Goodbye sweet life, see you in the afterworld. 8.5 miles an hour! YESS!!! (SWISH!!!)

Early Mornings, GRRR!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Early Mornings, GRRR!

When I woke up this morning, I felt a little funky. I am not talking sick, I just mean that there was not joy in my heart. I thought desperately of ways that I could somehow get out of going to work. I wanted to stay home with my kids. The problem with being a new business owner is though, that the buck stops here. Metaphorically and literally.

Hmmm.... if I just keep sleeping, reality might go away. What if I Just flat out don't get up? Why should I have to do this? It is just not fair!!!! AWWWWW!!!! I was on a train to nowhere real fast and was not sure how to pull myself out of this funked mood. Clearly my disillusionment of staying home was not going to happen and I needed to get my rear in gear.

When you are the first person that people see in the morning at the coffee shop, there are certain expectations that people have of you to start their morning out just right. Frowny faces and crappy moods are not going to cut it people!

I decided to turn to the only place that I knew for help. I took a quiet moment with the Lord. I have to say that this is usually the ticket for me. However, this time it was not enough. I basically had one chance left, and absolutely no time. But in a last ditch effort, I grabbed my Bible. I don't know what I was looking for, maybe a sign? But somehow, I must have gotten the right perspective and then BOOM! There it was, just what I needed when I needed it.

Psalm 32

Of David. A maskil. ^[a]

1 Blessed is he
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.

2 Blessed is the man
whose sin the LORD does not count against him
and in whose spirit is no deceit.

3 When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.

4 For day and night
your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.
Selah

5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, "I will confess
my transgressions to the LORD "—
and you forgave
the guilt of my sin.
Selah

6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you
while you may be found;
surely when the mighty waters rise,
they will not reach him.

7 You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Selah

8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.

9 Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.

10 Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD's unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts in him.

11 Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous;
sing, all you who are upright in heart!

Ah, there it is. I need to rejoice in the Lord. Throw away everything else and just flat out be glad. When I cast everything else up to Him, He restores that joy in my heart. So, I pulled myself together, got in the car, cranked up the tunes, and was on my way. I may not have been perfect, but I had a much better perspective, and I knew I would be fine.

A Sad Day

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

A Sad Day

Today I found out some terrible news. Over the past year of us owning the espresso bar, there has been a young woman trying to get a job with us. She has applied on and off. We never needed anyone at the time when she times she would come in. She seemed nice enough, but I also there were some other instabilities in her that made me think that she might not be a good fit even if we had needed someone at the time.

One of my customers came through today who is owns a day care. I asked how her weekend was, and she told me that she was in mourning. One of the children that she cares for..., well his mother had passed away. My heart sank when she shared this. I guess that's because deep down inside I knew who it was. I was afraid to ask, but when I did, my thoughts were confirmed.

What was even more troubling is when I was told that she had actually taken her own life. Somewhere along the way, this young woman, who's life had crossed my path, who I never really "knew", had lost hope. Even the hope of a future for her son was not enough. It was not enough to stop her from letting whatever torture that was inside of her lead her to the destruction of her own life.

Suicide. The ultimate act of selfish desperation. There is no act more extreme to oneself that can be done. There is nothing beyond complete self destruction for the individual who makes that choice. Whatever is so terrible in their lives, that they can't go on, ends in a matter of moments. The selfishness of it all, is that it leaves everyone who cares for that person with a lifetime of pain.

Her poor son, mother, father, sisters, brothers, friends... My prayers for God's comfort are with the the ones she left behind in her reckless act of selfishness. My heart hurts for her too though that she felt there was nothing left.

Life is a precious gift, yet oh so fragile. We must cherish every moment we have. There is abundant joy available to us all no matter how grim the situation. There is only one place that we will truly find it.

Thank you Jesus for each precious moment of life. Thank you for your hope, joy, and peace. Thank you that you have given us the promise of living life abundantly, no matter how bleak the situation may appear. Thank you that through Your sacrifice, we can find all of this and more. Thank you.

Workin' with the hubby!

Today was the first day of a new work environment for me. Today, I started working with my husband. Now we have worked together previously, and clearly we get along well enough to be married for a dozen years now, but working together is something else all together.

I am going to have to say that the biggest hold up in all of this is that I am "the boss" of this little operation, and he is my "right hand man." We have been building up to this day for a while now. He would come in early in the morning and train for a little bit, becoming more familiar with the work environment and how things run. Once we started the training process, that is where things got rocky though.

I knew it would be difficult for me to train him. I have trained my fair share of people previous to him, and most of the people enjoy the experience. I consider myself a nice employer, and maybe even a little too soft at times. This is another ball of wax when it comes to my husband though.

If I use the wrong tone, he takes it as me putting him down, and that is just the start. Eventually I came to terms with the fact that if our marriage was going to survive this chapter, I would need to hand the training over to one of my employees. I knew that he had the basics down, and so someone else was going to need to take it from there.

He has been training for quite a while now. Friday was my morning girls last day, so today was the big day. Guess what? We are both still alive, and I think that we are still even in love. I know that this is only day one, but I do love to spend time with him. Now that I am not telling him what to do, I think he is liking to be there with me too.

We have been so blessed owning this business. God has opened countless doors for us. We have had people come out of the woodwork to help us and love us after our sons type 1 diabetes diagnosis in early December. I stand in awe at the beauty of the human spirit, and the graciousness of God.  I am excited to now share this experience with my amazing husband, and watch our relationship grow in this new journey of life. I think that Tuesday may even be better!