Health Update

It has been quite some time since I have entered any news on how our son Charter is doing with his type 1 diabetes. It is still painful to talk about. My emotions still will run wild. I still have to look to God to calm my anxious spirit. There is however some hope in the bleakness of this chronic illness. We have not of course given up hope in a miraculous healing, but we also realize that there are things brought into our lives that we do not care to experience, that God can use to His glory in ways quite beyond our comprehension.

So as to a brief update. In our crazed research trying to locate answers in an area where there seems to be none, we come across that glimmer of hope. Our family has began a radical lifestyle change in hopes of helping Charter. We are now eating raw vegan foods. This adventure actually began in February, and we did a major part of the transition in June. I want to share the results we have seen and will soon, but I had to at least get it documented that we have/ are implementing these changes. So stay tuned for the journey.

Just Had To Brag

Wow! What an amazing experience. Our two oldest kids had the opportunity to participate in the musical King Island Christmas at the Warehouse Theater in Yakima, WA. They just finished their run of 10 shows over the past three weeks. We had the most splendid time. It is hard to put into words how proud you can be of your children. I just love watching them do something they love so much. Just had to brag.

Women = Emotional = So What!

Yes, I am a woman. Shocker, women are more emotional. That is what I feel like I have been this week, one big ball of emotion. I was trying to evaluate if there might be some outside stimuli that could be prodding the waves of emotion. Not being able to put my finger on one thing in particular, I just chalked it up to the fact that... I am a woman. I have the right to be emotional. I'll be that way if I wanna! So there. Women, if you need a day, a week, a month, or whatever to just be... right now is your time. Permission granted. At least that way I won't be emotional all alone. Wink!

The Fast Lane

Wow, I can hardly believe that it is a year since I got my first speeding ticket... I blogged a bit about this when it happened being how it was "so detrimental" and all.

As I was reflecting on this not so shinning moment, it kinda got me started down another path of thought. When looking back, the bottom line was, I was going too fast no matter what the reason was, and I was clearly made to slow down at that moment in time.

But what about everyday life? Don't we often find ourselves speeding through everyday life? I know for me that this is just a fact that the fast lane is where I gravitate towards. There is always so much to do. There is no need to go into my list here because let's face it, we all have our own lists, and the base they are made up of look pretty much the same.

Sometimes though, we need to get out of the fast lane. Sometimes, we need to find the nearest exit and take it! Sometimes, we need to take the exit, and we don't. I have had a bit of each this week. Last Friday, I decided to take an "exit." We packed up the kids and headed out of town for a few days. It was great to have a break from the typical go go go.

But, apparently God wanted me to take another "exit." I wound up sick this week. Clearly this took me straight out of the fast lane. As miserable as being sick is, It has given me a bit of "me" time. The house looks crazy, but on the inside, I feel great. I read a couple books, read from my Bible, and spent some time with the Big Guy,... you get the picture.

Bottom line? Don't be afraid to take an exit from the fast lane every once in a while. Don't forget to stop and smell the roses, and don't ignore the Voice that tells you sometimes, you just need to be still.

Oh, Your Love

I am weak, but you are strong. In your arms I am held in comfort and love. There is nothing in me or about me that is good, but You in me Lord changes all of that. As I give myself to you, and step away from myself, I am preparing room for you. As You inhabit my heart and my life, I am changed. The creature I once was is dying away, and I do not miss her. My only regret would be not letting go sooner. Life may break my heart, but You heal it. Joy abounds in You. Grace abounds in You. Mercy... Your mercy never fails.

Rough night last night.

Charter accidentally took the wrong insulin... long night with no sleep checking his BSL like a wild woman making sure we kept him in range. Crying silent tears, screaming silent screams, so no one would hear. Calling out to my Saviour, His comfort gets me through.

My Gma and Gpa Davis celebrated their 68th wedding anniversary. WOW! 68 years. Can you imagine. I love what a testament to love and commitment that is. They rock. What a great example in a society where people could care less about commitment, and care ALL about what makes them feel good at the time. My hat goes off to people who have the guts and courage to do the right thing.

Off to bed now. my pillow is calling my name as I type this jumble of nonsensical words. Goodnight.

A Question From God?

As I was studying today, I read about a man who had been asked a question by God. This man was asked "If I could give you one gift today, what would it be? If I had a silver platter out in front of you, what might you pick from it?"

I was shocked at how this question seemed so profound to me. At how I was suddenly caught off guard, how I instantly felt so small. I could not grasp nor even begin to comprehend the thought of God Himself, the Author of life, the Creator of the entire Universe standing in front of ME, offering me a gift of whatever I wanted.

Want. Now there is an interesting word that congers up many different thoughts and emotions. By definition...

Want: To desire greatly; wish for: To have need: The condition or quality of lacking something usual or necessary.

How about the word gift?
Gift: Something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation.

As I pondered on what I myself might ask God for, visions of money, success, and countless other things of this world poured through my mind. Then all of those thoughts came to a halt when I saw the face of my son, Charter. That was it! I would use my one gift to have the Lord heal my son of diabetes. Tears began to burn as I envisioned how this would change his life. Oh, what an amazing gift it would be! To watch my son be healed from this daily agony. What a glorious gift! My heart began to sing as I envisioned my own heart being healed of one its greatest pains.

My mind yet again stopped dead in its tracks. I felt sick, the room began to spin. In that moment, I knew the Lord a little bit better. I knew Him and understood Him in a way I have heard about, but never before had it been this real to me. It made my stomach drop. What made me go stone cold you ask?

You see, I realized that I already posses the only gift that I ever need from God. I have received the gift of salvation. God though, being God and all, one upped that and blessed me even further by sharing that same gift with my husband and all three of my children.

How did this make me understand God more though? A simple word... sacrifice. He knows all too well the dreaded word. He understands what it is like to watch His child suffer, to watch His child in pain... just like me.

This life we live however painful it may be, is only temporary. The pain we endure as Christians here on earth, is truly the worst that we will ever have it. For nonbelievers, their story is quite different. Their life here on earth is the best things will ever be. The ending of their stories will look much different from my own. That thought, the thought of people coming to the end of their lives, and being faced with eternal torture and death. The pain I felt for those people, that pain out weighed the pain of my mothers heart.

I understood the pain in God's sacrifice. How He would endure the pain of a million deaths watching His son be tortured because He knew that it would end. In that moment I could see through His eyes that pain and sacrifice are sometimes allowed. That there are things we can not always see, and that in the end, we have the comfort of our Fathers Heavenly arms to envelope us in His gracious love.

So, if I had to choose one gift from God today, it would be to save even one more life... eternally. To share the greatest gift of all time. I would sacrifice the opportunity for my son to be healed. He already has the best gift ever. Jesus is his Savior.

It is not that the desire for my son to be healed has gone away, but I know, every time, if I had to choose just one gift, I would give it to someone with a true want, remember want? Want: To desire greatly; wish for: To have need: The condition or quality of lacking something usual or necessary. There is nothing more necessary than salvation in Christ Jesus. After all, things on this earth will all pass away, but the gift of Salvation is eternal.

Face Paint

Charter: "Mom! Dad! Cole has something he wants to show you!"

Oh my! Cole just came in and he colored his face all the way black with a marker.

Cole: "Mom, I used the earaser kind, is it a stain marker?"

Me: "Yep buddy, markers on the skin stain."


Ha Ha! He used a dry erasemarker. He thought it would erase off his face too. Oops!

Me: "What made you decide to do this?"

Cole: "Well, at first I drew a mustache, then I drew a beard. Then I drew the lines football players have under their eyes, then I decided to color my whole face."

Luckily most of it washed off when he got in the bath. Kids are pretty amazing!

My parents and stuff

I think I might be bad at blogging. It is clear that I go through random spurts where I will write, and then when I won't. All that aside...

Lately I have been feeling a bit numb. I know that change is quite inevitable, and such is the course of life, but still, it does not make it easy. When I stand back, there is no need for me to complain in my life. I have great kids, a great husband, all of my needs are met... but then there are the little things that can still bum a girl out.

So, here it is, my latest "thing." My parents are moving. There, I have said it. I suppose that I sound like a big baby. I suppose also that I don't care. I have been trying to evaluate the reasons that I am so sad, and I think that I may have found my "Top 3 List"
1. I know that my kids will not be spending as much time with people that they adore, and that I love having in their lives.
2. I want them to be happy, and I hope that this move is going to be what they expect.
3. As the oldest child in our family, I feel somewhat responsible for my siblings even though they are all grown and married.

There you have it... my mind as of this second in a nutshell. My problems that are not really mine, and my inability to not own them as of this moment.

Hasta Lasagna
~D

Thankful!

Thank you Lord. Everyday You are more to me than I could have ever dreamed. My heart is overwhelmed with the love that You continue to show me, regardless of me. All I am belongs to You. I gladly surrender myself to You. Your ways are always greater. Your plan is always better. Your love is bigger, and You are wonderful. I am thankful for the privilege to be one of Your children. Help me life to shine with a light that is not my own... to show the world how wonderful You are in the unconditional love You have for us.

Barfing

We had two barfers yesterday... one of them was me. Cloey and I were driving home and it went down like this.

ME: I feel like I am going to puke. Cloey could you empty that bag out?
CLOEY: Sure, do you want me to call Dad?
ME: No, there is nothing he can do. Jesus help me make it home.
CLOEY: Mom, I am going to call Dad....
Cloey texts Dad #1: Are you home Dad, mom feels like she is going to barf.
Cloey texts Dad #2: Dad, mom just barfed while she was driving on the freeway.
Cloey texts Dad #3: We are passing the strip mall in Selah.
Cloey texts Dad #4: We will be home any minute.
Cloey texts Dad #5: We are home and Mom is covered in barf!

Special! There is nothing like driving on the freeway surrounded by cars with no hope of pulling over and puking/dry heaving into a plastic bag/all over yourself. Now ther is a memory to last a lifetime. Cheers to vomit in all of its forms in all of its glory.

Before & After

The kids have a bunch of photos on the wii. Honestly, I am not even sure how to do that. Anyhow, they were looking through pictures from this trip last summer to Lincoln City. Charter saw this one of himself, and all of the sudden my mama ears became more attentive. He said "look, that is from before I had diabetes." My heart ached when I heard this. I realized that he was saying so much more with those words. He was telling us that he knows that his life is different now. He saw this picture of himself having fun, and equated that to life without diabetes. Ouch!!!

Life is hard at times. It is hard for your child to look at "before" and "after" in their own life, and at ten years old have such an obvious difference emotionally to how he views life.Charter has kept in amazing spirits considering his circumstances, but he still does have rough times. Thank you to all who continue to pray for us... on the good days, and on the ones that the sun is not quite shinning.

This is just great!

People tell me that I drive like a Grandma. I am not going to deny the fact that I pretty much take it safe when behind the wheel. I don't like it when people speed, and it freaks me out when I notice people acting stupid.

Being on the road is dangerous, and I have a car full of kids with me most of the time. I like to take the necessary precautions. What can I say, I drive defensive, in a Suburban, and obey the law. Call me a G-ma behind the wheel if you must. As a matter of fact, I have never even had a ticket, or even a warning for that matter.... until today.

I was speeding. Not on purpose. Not to "try to get somewhere quick!" Just plain carelessness. I thought that the speed limit was 35. It was 30. I was going faster than that though, I guess. I was passing someone to get in the lane so that I could turn, and BAM! There were lights behind me. I was shocked!

I pulled over my car and he asked me if I knew how fast I was going. I told him 35. He told me that I was in a 30mph zone. All I could think was GREAT. I could see the sign that said 35, but that was not going to cut it. It was too late. He took all of the paper work and came back to give me my fatty ticket. I have heard about people trying to talk their way out of tickets, but having no clue how to work that, clearly I was slapped with the mother load.

So my lesson in this? If I want to drive like a G-ma, I will! This proves my point. Obeying the law has benefits... like not giving the government even more money.

Closets

Today I am cleaning out the closets in my home. The funny thing about that is that I have recently also been cleaning out the closets of my life.

It is my desire to live my life as an open book. You can't really do that unless you have your closets cleaned out. I am sure that you know what I am talking about. Those places in your life, those thoughts that just got shoved into the corner of the closet in a mad rush to make things "look" clean.

We do this to our house every now and the. Someone is coming over unexpectedly. The house looks a little disheveled, and we shove things into a closet or a drawer. We think "Hey, I will just have to deal with that latter. I hope no one looks in there." We move on with our lives, sometimes we forget that we shoved this here and that there. We become annoyed when we can't find what we are looking for, but hey, we said we would deal with it latter. No time now though for those closets.

Eventually though, guess what? We do have to get to those closets and drawers. I don't know about you, but I hate it. It takes FOREVER! Half of the stuff you wish you would have just thrown away in the first place. Seriously, there is always garbage and junk mixed in with a few things that may be worth keeping. What a waste of time. If I would just deal with these things the first time I touch them, then I wouldn't be in this predicament.

I find the same to be alarmingly similar with the closets of my life. I "don't have time" to deal with something, so I shove it in a closet or drawer and decide to deal with it latter. There could be other reasons that I shove things in, perhaps because it is too painful to deal with, or perhaps, well who really knows. The bottom line is that it just happens.

When it comes time to finally clean out my life closets, the process looks kinda the same. I don't necessarily like it, although I know that it is for the best. When I sort through all of my "junk" I find that there is a lot that I just need to throw away. I wish that I would have just thrown it out in the first place. There are some things of value though mixed in, and that is why it is good to go through the junk and find all of those little gems.

My prayer is that the Lord will help me to deal with my junk the first time around. That way I don't have to try to "look" clean, I am clean. I pray that I will look in the back of my closets each day, and keep the dust bunnies from piling up, and the junk OUT!!!

I thank God that He is helping me clean out my life closets. It sure feels good to be able to have people look in the corners of my life and maybe still see some dust, but surely a lot less junk. As for the closets in my house, I know those are up to me. So I better get back to work!

A prayer for the lost and hurting

Jesus, you are more than enough. No matter who we are, you are more than enough. There is nothing we need in life or in death but You! You are our comforter. You walked this earth. You know all of our human emotions. You know loss, you know joy, you know pain, you know laughter.

Today, as I am reminded that my own circumstances are just trivial compared to many, I ask that your comfort will flow to those who need you most. The ones who do not know you at all. I pray that today Jesus, you will fill the holes in our hearts with Your love and compassion.

Amen

The hippopotamus Rule

The hippopotamus rule. You can only add or subtract like things; apples to apples, marbles to marbles, hats to hats, and hippopotamuses to hippopotamuses. Henceforth, the hippopotamus rule.

Wouldn't life be grand if say, we can all follow the hippopotamus rule? If we didn't compare Jane to Rachel? If we only compared Jane to Jane. Then we could truly value Jane for who she is. We could see when she is growing, and when she needs some extra love to help her out.

When we attempt to compare Jane to Rachel, or add Rachel's attributes to Jane, we loose sight of the true beauty of who Jane is. She is different from Rachel, she has qualities that make her uniquely her.

This week, let's all try to use the hippo rule in our daily life. Let's focus in on the beauty of each person and know that we can only add attributes of each person to themselves. Let's appreciate people for who they are, pray for their areas of specific need, and no compare them to something or someone that they are never created to be.

We are each a unique creation of Christ Jesus. Join me in this celebration. This week, let's all love the hippo!

Thoughts you don't want to know

So, I keep wanting to talk about where things are at with our journey of learning about diabetes. I find that it is almost easier to talk about it than to write. But then again, I can only talk about it so much before I hit the wall.

The thing about writing for me, is that I typically find it is a great way to get out all that I really want to say. The problem is, this time, it is almost impossible for me to actually say it. Writing gives me the opportunity to process the pain of the situation in solitude. I don't like how it feels. On the other hand, I also don't want to become numb to the pain. God did not design me to become numb from my pain, He designed me to be healed from it.

At some point, I am sure the dots are all going to connect together, but in the mean time, I am sure that it is clear that I am tip toeing around what is going on inside on me.

Let's talk some facts. Facts are not supposed to be emotion filled.

- Adolescent males between the ages of 10 - 14 are the highest percentage of the population to develop type 1 diabetes.

- The warning signs for diabetes are subtle. It can easily become out of control without you even knowing it.

- The majority of people have no idea what type 1 diabetes even is. They automatically think that it is type 2.

- Type 1 and type 2 diabetes is very different from one another.

- Type one diabetes does not develop because you are fat and sit around eating bon bons all day.

- There are no answers as to why you do actually develop type 1 diabetes. There is a huge amount of research, but no one knows what actually does cause it.

All of these "facts" as they may be are ridden with emotion for me. The reality of this situation is that we deal every day... 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I am not just another statistic, neither is my son. We are real people. This is a real disease. Guess what? When Charter goes to bed at night, diabetes does not. It is still there. We pray that we calculate right with his insulin to food ratio. That his blood sugar level does not go too high, or worse yet, too low.

We wake up at night, and often wake him too... just to check. Did he have too many carbs, not enough? Did we give him too much insulin? Not enough?

To watch him in the frustration of not getting enough blood, and bordering on tears as he has to prick himself again, and sometimes again. To watch your 10 year old son injecting himself with something that his body should do itself. Or for us to do the injections and know that we are stabbing our child, and this is not a one time deal. This is not even a one time a day deal. It is not uncommon for him to be stuck 10 times a day. 10 TIMES A DAY!!!!! Most people don't have that in a year.

Some people don't "get " what is going on. I want to give them a break, but come on, when do I get a break? When you come home from the hospital with your new baby, people come and visit, they bring you meals, they offer to help in any way they can. When Charter became sick, people disappeared, and then have the nerve to ask me why am I hurting them. Or how special, ask me why you have "disappeared?" Give me a break. Get over yourself. Get some compassion. Try for one minute to stop judging, and start loving and walk for one second in my shoes!

There are so many people that do not know the Lord, and Christians lash out at them not having any idea what they are doing. I am a Christian, and look at me! Not doing so great all the time. Imagine what it would be like if I didn't have God to help me thorough all of this.

I am half sorry that I am even going to publish this post because God has already been working on me with some of this, however, this is a small taste of what is going on in me right now. Ugly as it may be, my mind can not always have cute thoughts of rainbows and ponies.

I am very thankful to all of you who have actually been there for us and shown love and compassion. We sincerely appreciate it. For everyone else who can't get a clue, I have no time for you right now. I am grieving the loss of my sons childhood as it should be, and you are not helping.

My daughter

Cloey has always been a quiet and focused girl. She is sweet and kind. She walks to the beat of her own drum. She has such a good head on her shoulders, is able to use common sense, has dedication to make things happen. She loves the Lord, and isn't afraid to tell people about it.... that is what makes me smile the most. She has so many of the qualities that I admire at such a young age.

Cloey will turn 12 this year. She is growing up, and walking that line between a little girl and a young lady. I only have 6 years left. Six years to give her all that I can. Not in the physical, but in the emotional world before she will make the inevitable break to an independent. Her name itself means blossoming and hopeful. I am watching her do just that. She is blossoming into a beautiful person inside, as well as outside.

My daughter has good work ethic! Today she is getting a reward... a little fruit from her labor. She deserves a little treat once in a while. I am taking her on a little shopping trip. A pass time that she enjoys quite a lot. What she doesn't know though is that I am the one who gets the real reward... spending time with her. I value her so much.

Yes, I am 30!

Friday the thirteenth was my 30th birthday. Throughout my twenties, the impending fate has been looming over me. I knew that there was no escape, I would turn the big 3-0, no matter what.
I was curious about what I might do. Was I going to freak out? Was I going to cry? Was I going to feel so OLD?

I watched one of my girl friends turn 30 and it did not turn out so well for her. She had this mini emotional break down. Mentioning it to her was out of the question. There was some serious sad times going on with that girl. I actually thought it was quite funny. I couldn't imagine myself acting that way. Still though, what if 30 had some power over me that made me turn into a crazy crying loon. I best not tease, because what if the fate of my 30th looked similar to hers.

Well, now the day has come and gone. Here are some of my thoughts on the subject. I wasn't even sad about being 30, not even one little bit. I maybe even felt excited. I reflected on being twenty-something, I was thankful for parts, and there were other moments I would rather not relive. I was excited for a new season of my life to unfold. I realized that still, I have arrived nowhere, and that my life journey will continue with many lessons for me to learn. I prayed that God would continue to refine me... and that I would welcome the process.

In your twenties, there are a lot of different pressures. You are starting your life away from your parents, learning how to provide for yourself. There are many social pressures as typically people in their twenties are in different walks. Some in college, some with jobs, some married, some not, some with children, you catch my drift. With all of these different places people are at in their lives, it is difficult to fit the pieces of the social puzzle together.

Then, for women especially, there is the pressure to look a certain way. In your twenties, you are afraid of getting old, but still clinging to the youth of your teens. So many women suffer from poor body image, and are constantly picking themselves apart. It pains me to see women truly hurting because of discontent with their bodies. I am not excluding myself from this category, I have had my own struggles with this, and I assume they will still be there a bit, but I feel more confident in myself every day. Guess what the best part about being 30 is? I never need to look 20 again! I only wish that I could have felt that way without the number attached to it.

Thanks to everyone who has know me through my twenties. You survived my wild ride. Thank you to my husband. You are the most amazing man ever. You are the man of my dreams, and I love you more than ever. Thank you Lord for all you have given me, and all that you have not. I am becoming someone better everyday because of it. Cheers to being 30! I think this is going to be a great decade!

Today is Cloey's first day on point!